i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
