Where is the hickey?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize