DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
