fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
