Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
