I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
