you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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