i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
