I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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