Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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