you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
