I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
