Screwed.edu
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize