i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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