i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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