So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
