I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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