After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
