Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
