Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
