I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
