you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize