I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
