I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
