I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
