i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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