I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
