i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
