guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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