I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
