maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
