I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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