watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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