Michael Bay diarrhea
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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