Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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