is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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