hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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