It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
