im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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