shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize