i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
