apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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