We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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