Don't make out with my wife yet
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
