you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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