Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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