when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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