Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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