That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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