i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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