Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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