I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My pussy is not your playground.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
