I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
