There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
