good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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