She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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