she woke up with a sticky ear
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
