Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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