here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
