Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
