Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
