I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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