walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize