The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
