I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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