What a fucking waste of an outfit
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
