remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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