You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
