so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
