Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
