As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
