Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
