fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have aggressive nipples.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
