god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
