just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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