My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
