The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
