Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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