We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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